In which Ian learns why “down the drain” is a synonym for “gone forever,” and Daddy learns about toddlers and impulse control.

If you’ve ever lived with a small child, then you know only too well that they tend to become attached to various objects. Thursday’s obsessive love was a small yellow Matchbox Miata with pink seats, which arrived here courtesy of a gift swap with friends in December. (Apparently, these are RARE, so if you have one, consider cashing in on eBay. Could net you a whopping $5.)

In fact, Ian was so attached to HIS Miata (as different from DADDY’s Miata) that he insisted on taking it in the bathtub with him. At the end of bath time, I heard the water start to drain. Then I heard Daddy say, “Don’t put your Miata down the drain.” Then I heard a heart breaking, ear piercing screech.

That’s right. Daddy turned his back and Ian promptly put his beloved Miata down the drain to see why Daddy said he shouldn’t. The panicky hissy fit was epic. Mommy went down in the basement to see if there was any hope of retrieval. We tested the remaining matchbox cars to see if they are magnetic. (They’re not.) And in a loving but futile gesture, Daddy fished down the drain with a coat hanger wire.

Ian walked around the house tearfully asking if his Miata would “come out sink? Come out vent? Where my Miata go?” and was consoled for bed only by a visit to the almighty eBay, where Mommy ordered him a brand new blue and green Miata, because, as previously mentioned, the pink and yellow ones are RARE. Of course, we’ve since realized that this is probably just as well, or we risked the notion that things that go down the drain later arrive in the US Mail as a companion theology to the idea that Santa ships via UPS. (The underpinnings of that one are these: Santa brings toys and books. Toys and books come UPS. UPS is working for Santa.)

Bathtime now involves a lengthy discussion of what is and is not too big to fit down the drain. “Yes, your Miata went down the drain. No, you will not go down the drain. You are much too big. No, Mommy will not go down the drain. Mommy is much too big. Yes, your Miata went down the drain.”

Yes, here’s the New Miata. It went to bed with him. He woke up talking about it. And he informed us, “My New Miata NOT go down the drain.”

To which, of course, Mommy replied, “That’s right, because you are NOT taking it into the bath tub.”