Me: honey, Our friendly neighborhood pest guy says you should sprinkle your urine in the attic and all around the house to repel the raccoons. Especially near the trash can.
007: yeah, they’ve all said that.
Me: well, he said he tried it on his own trash and it works. But only if you do it. It won’t work for me.
007: what makes you so special?
Me: two X chromosomes. It has to be a man, apparently.
007: fine, I’ll start peeing outside, then.
Me: Ian would love to help you with that. You can tell him it’s your super power.
007: no doubt!
Me: I guess it’s a good thing we have a lifetime supply of Dude Urine, since it has the power to drive away pests.

I see another episode of “why our neighbors hate us” coming on. Also, I feel I should mention that while they may “all” have told my husband that Dude Urine is a magical anti-raccoon potion, (and it’s free!) this was the first who wasn’t too squeamish to discuss it with ME.

Also, I’ve skipped over some very juvenile humor about the Power of the Penis, because although my audience thought it was HILARIOUS, it may not be for everyone.