I was enjoying a snugly baby on my lap when Michael started getting the lawn mower out. Keeghan took one look and
Keeghan: RIDE RIDE RIDE!
Michael: Ride?
Keeghan: YEAH YEAH YEAH!
Michael: no, you cannot ride on the lawn mower.
So Keeghan went and got his shoes and brought them to me, whereupon it was MY job to break it to him that, shoes or no shoes, he for sure would not be riding on the lawn mower.
Michael: how many pictures do you have of them sleeping, anyway?
Me: well, they hold still when they’re asleep.
Today is 007’s birthday. Naturally, it would not be a birthday without cake. So I promised Ian we’d make one after school. And we did.
Notice how the child is laughing at me. Because I lost this competition at “presentation.” the top layer fell apart when I took it out of the pan. Lesser mortals would have made do with the single, perfect layer already on the tray. NOT ME. I forged ahead. The sprinkles and mini marshmallows are there by request, but I’d consider it a kindness if you’d look upon them as a Redeeming Feature.
Ian: Daddy, I want some jelly beans.
Michael: no.
Ian: I really do want some though, Daddy.
Michael: Fine. If you can tell me what 5 + 3 is, I’ll give you that many jelly beams. So what’s 5 + 3?
Ian: Zero… Plus… Eight.
Michael was excited because this demonstrates that Ian hasn’t just memorized some basic addition facts, but actually understands them. I, personally, am pleased to know that he actually gets the concept of “zero.” I had been wondering.
Also, I notice that he isn’t lacking in the one upsmanship department. I believe he enjoyed his jelly beans.
So, Michael and I were discussing that commercial with the family doing the a Capella version of “Crazy Train,” and how we really ought to start practicing that, seeing as how it’s practically our family theme song, when Ian piped up.
Ian: are we going to Rama and Raba’s today?
Me: yes!
Ian: WAHOOOO! We’re going to Rama and Raba’s! SO LET’S… GET… EATING!
And then after that there was some running around the house and screaming like a barbarian. In other words, it’s all business as usual around here.
Me: honey, Our friendly neighborhood pest guy says you should sprinkle your urine in the attic and all around the house to repel the raccoons. Especially near the trash can.
007: yeah, they’ve all said that.
Me: well, he said he tried it on his own trash and it works. But only if you do it. It won’t work for me.
007: what makes you so special?
Me: two X chromosomes. It has to be a man, apparently.
007: fine, I’ll start peeing outside, then.
Me: Ian would love to help you with that. You can tell him it’s your super power.
007: no doubt!
Me: I guess it’s a good thing we have a lifetime supply of Dude Urine, since it has the power to drive away pests.
I see another episode of “why our neighbors hate us” coming on. Also, I feel I should mention that while they may “all” have told my husband that Dude Urine is a magical anti-raccoon potion, (and it’s free!) this was the first who wasn’t too squeamish to discuss it with ME.
Also, I’ve skipped over some very juvenile humor about the Power of the Penis, because although my audience thought it was HILARIOUS, it may not be for everyone.
