Tuesday on the way to preschool, Ian started chanting “stupid dummy stupid dummy stupid dummy stupid dummy.”
“Mommy, YOU’RE A STUPID DUMMY!”
Now, this is not a first. Apparently 4 year olds are prone to this, and one of his teachers tells me that some cartoons intended for this age group use this language quite liberally. But we’ve had MANY “positive” conversations about how these are words that can hurt.
And my boy is not a mean boy. He is a sweet boy who becomes distressed when others are upset. He is a child who says, “It’s okay, Keeghan, you don’t have to cry, we’re right here. Shhh…. it’s okay!”
He is a boy who values friendships. But he’s also a boy who thinks “STUPID” and “DUMMY” sound hilarious. And as my mother said, “Nobody wants their kid to be THAT kid.”
So, one minute before school started, and the “That Kid” control was turned up to 11. So we had a moment of what I call “Shock and Awe” parenting.
I told Ian that he would have to go home and spend the afternoon in his room if he didn’t stop. And to prove my point, we were walking toward the car at the time.
The subsequent meltdown in the middle of the building made me feel like The Worst Mommy on Earth. Like I was Picking On My Baby. Nobody wants to make their child miserable, but the other horn of this dilemma is to let my child think making other people’s children feel horrible is okay. Or to hope “someone else” will teach him that it’s not. And this, most certainly, is where bullies are made. Because the longer a child is permitted to think this is funny, the funnier it will be. And for sure, the day that he realizes he is bigger than me is not the day to try and impress upon him that, however funny, hurting others is not okay. (Even though sometimes WE DO WISH IT WERE when we are angry.)
How about you- are you willing to die on this mountain? Because I think I did. And I think I’ll be doing it as often as necessary. Rinse. Repeat.
