You are looking at 2020’s best behaved 13 year old boy.
Blackmail
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Category Archives: Ian
My favorite party helper
So, raise your hand if you are surprised that this guy not only insisted we color coordinate the contents of the treat bags, he also insisted I preserve the original hem when I shortened the t-shirt for his Sam the Library Mouse costume.
Yeah, me neither.
On an only slightly related note, I have been looking at Google analytics, and I have to say something. If you are one of the surprisingly many people who came here seeking birthday cake decorating ideas… I’m very, very sorry. And if you are the person who was looking for Thomas the Train Toast… Wow. Is that a thing?
Now, THAT’S how you make a birthday cake
Today is 007’s birthday. Naturally, it would not be a birthday without cake. So I promised Ian we’d make one after school. And we did.
Notice how the child is laughing at me. Because I lost this competition at “presentation.” the top layer fell apart when I took it out of the pan. Lesser mortals would have made do with the single, perfect layer already on the tray. NOT ME. I forged ahead. The sprinkles and mini marshmallows are there by request, but I’d consider it a kindness if you’d look upon them as a Redeeming Feature.
Transitive Property
Ian: Daddy, I want some jelly beans.
Michael: no.
Ian: I really do want some though, Daddy.
Michael: Fine. If you can tell me what 5 + 3 is, I’ll give you that many jelly beams. So what’s 5 + 3?
Ian: Zero… Plus… Eight.
Michael was excited because this demonstrates that Ian hasn’t just memorized some basic addition facts, but actually understands them. I, personally, am pleased to know that he actually gets the concept of “zero.” I had been wondering.
Also, I notice that he isn’t lacking in the one upsmanship department. I believe he enjoyed his jelly beans.
He’s got our number
So, Michael and I were discussing that commercial with the family doing the a Capella version of “Crazy Train,” and how we really ought to start practicing that, seeing as how it’s practically our family theme song, when Ian piped up.
Ian: are we going to Rama and Raba’s today?
Me: yes!
Ian: WAHOOOO! We’re going to Rama and Raba’s! SO LET’S… GET… EATING!
And then after that there was some running around the house and screaming like a barbarian. In other words, it’s all business as usual around here.
Overheard
Me: honey, Our friendly neighborhood pest guy says you should sprinkle your urine in the attic and all around the house to repel the raccoons. Especially near the trash can.
007: yeah, they’ve all said that.
Me: well, he said he tried it on his own trash and it works. But only if you do it. It won’t work for me.
007: what makes you so special?
Me: two X chromosomes. It has to be a man, apparently.
007: fine, I’ll start peeing outside, then.
Me: Ian would love to help you with that. You can tell him it’s your super power.
007: no doubt!
Me: I guess it’s a good thing we have a lifetime supply of Dude Urine, since it has the power to drive away pests.
I see another episode of “why our neighbors hate us” coming on. Also, I feel I should mention that while they may “all” have told my husband that Dude Urine is a magical anti-raccoon potion, (and it’s free!) this was the first who wasn’t too squeamish to discuss it with ME.
Also, I’ve skipped over some very juvenile humor about the Power of the Penis, because although my audience thought it was HILARIOUS, it may not be for everyone.
Mile Posts to my Healthiest Self
I’m guest blogging over at Modded Momma today about my weight loss journey after baby. Body issues before kids were simpler. I’m not saying I didn’t have any. I don’t think you can be female and alive in this society and not have SOME. But they were simpler. More like, “does my butt look good in these?” and, “what should my next tat be?”
Then I had kids. And I Got Big. Really, really Big. Twice. After Ian was born, I said, you know, if this chubby gig was just buying bigger pants and eating ice cream, I’d be just fine, but, gosh, my health. And I lost the weight. No problem.
This time, it’s been harder. Possibly because I was much fitter when I had Ian than this time. Maybe because my doctor unwittingly raised the stakes by stressing my risk factors for Type II diabetes. Whatever the reason, I’m struggling this time.
I Held The Line over the winter holidays. Which is something to be proud of, but then I KEPT HOLDING IT. I’ve been very hard on myself about all of it, which is, not surprisingly, not making me any healthier. Starting today, I’ll be celebrating the mile posts as I come upon them along the way.
Day’s Begun
007 on his phone and Ian on his Leap Frog. Be still my heart. (Keeghan, sweet baby, is sleeping in.)
Happy Mother’s Day
My darling boy and his classmates have been busy making Mother’s Day gifts. As if that smile is not enough!
What happens at dinner
This is what happens while we wait for dinner to be ready around here. Ian wants to know if he can keep drawing more slices on the pizza, but once I pointed out that 1/64 of a pizza is a really, REALLY small piece, he decided we’d done enough.
Keeghan thinks we are idiots, because he can see perfectly well that the “pizza” is actually a piece of paper.
